My Brush With Lupus

My mom noticed a mole on my arm that looked suspicious to her and since I agreed, I scheduled an appointment with a dermatologist. My appointment was last Monday, March 1st. The dermatologist looked at the mole and said she didn't think it looked too bad but would take it off just in case. Next I asked her about some red spots on my face which have been there for a few years. She studied my face for a few seconds and said it looked like what is called a butterfly rash: redness in a symmetrical pattern sweeping over both cheeks and up to your temples. She asked if I had anyone in my family with auto-immune disorders. I told her I have an aunt with lupus. She said, "Yes, that's the one I was thinking of as the butterfly rash is a symptom of lupus." She suggested blood be drawn to test me for lupus. She also said the ANA test was not conclusive but would give us a base line to chart from in case I developed other symptoms. I agreed and left with a bandaid on my arm and a lot of questions in my head. I didn't want to tell our parents to keep them from worrying, especially my mom as worry aggravates her system, but of course told Matthew, a friend from church who's husband has lupus, and over the next four days several friends who I knew would pray.

On Friday, I called the dermatologist's office but the bloodwork had not come back. More waiting and wondering. On Saturday, I did tell our parents because I didn't want them to receive questions from friends at church and not have any idea what was going on.

I called again on Monday, March 8th, and spoke with a nurse. She said the report was back and it said "POSITIVE". I asked her if there was a number associated with that and she said no. Although the dermatologist was fairly friendly herself, I was feeling put out with the office after having to call twice to receive my test result and then not to have received any type of explanation. My friend Ann earnestly encouraged me to talk to my family doctor about this test result and whatever follow-up would be suggested.

The appointment with my family doctor yesterday was truly an answer to prayer. By this point, I was more frustrated at the medical community (I had to drive back to the dermatologist's office to pick up my lab report because they said if I wanted it faxed over to my doc I'd still have to come and sign for it to be done!) than I was upset with the idea of having lupus. I prayed for my doctor to have wisdom which would provide me with clarity of the situation.

Dr. Gibson (whom I think highly of because he is originally from South Africa and extremely straight-forward and blunt about things which differs from the American political correctness which I can't stand) first asked if I had any other symptoms. I said I am tired a lot. That alone doesn't even convince me because it came about with the arrival of the kids and is a common "symptom" with ALL moms. He gave me the answer I was looking for based on reading the numbers on my lab report which WERE THERE right beside the word, "POSITIVE". It read 1:80. He explained that states the level of antibodies in your body. If it is 1:160 or higher, more tests would definitely be recommended. However 1:40 to 1:160 (these are ratios I'm assuming) is considered the "gray zone". Based on info he pulled up on his computer, Dr. Gibson said 1:80 means I have a 1 in 5 chance of actually having or developing lupus. That I am fine with as it's much more comforting than being told I am officially diagnosed with it. He said there is a more definite test which I could take, could possibly test positive and then be asked if I'd like to begin taking chemotherapy formula drugs for no other symptoms than a butterfly rash. Well, that makes total sense to me, and my answer is "No, thank you!".

We'll see what comes to my body in years down the road. Today, I am healthy and praising my God! I thank Him for providing me with that peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7). Not once during the last week did I get upset thinking about what having lupus would mean. I thought about the strength I would need to push through hard days of feeling awful to take care of Philip and Braewyn and it made me love them all the more. It made me think of how Matthew might have to take care of things I don't mind doing for our family, and seeing his subtle, quiet reservation while not knowing the result made me love him more. I have found a deeper, more rich dependence on Jesus knowing that anything that comes my way will not be dealt with by me alone. His power will always be made perfect in my weakness (2 Corithians 12:9) and by leaning on Him, He will always direct my path through life (Proverbs 3:5-6). For this, I am thankful.