Trust Him Now

When I was in high school, my parents encouraged me to participate in the True Love Waits rally our church was promoting.  You may have heard of it.  TLW was a program which challenged teenagers to make a decision to avoid sexual intimacy before marriage.  It wasn't just an idea to put in kids' heads, but an intentional path for choosing to make wise decisions ahead of time.  We were told if you wait to make the decision about having sex or not until you are in the back seat of a car or home alone, your body may win out over your head.  You make a clear decision when you are thinking rationally and not in the moment when the emotions are running wild.

I think the same idea can be applied to our spiritual lives.  As children or even as adults when all seems right in the world, it is easy to say, "I trust you, God, and I will follow You."  But what happens when the hard times come.  You may have a really bad fight with your husband or wife.  You may have a child who just seems to enjoy disobeying more than obeying.  You may hear your mom tell you she has cancer.  You may get a call saying your dad has had a heart attack.  You may live in a nation which sees right as wrong and wrong as right.  What then?  Do you trust God?

My parents did give me a wonderful upbringing in church, but my spiritual walk with God took a few u-turns in college.  Thankfully, I had a desire to begin attending Bible Study Fellowship once I graduated and moved back home.  In studying the Bible, God grew my faith in Him as I read of many people, Moses, Peter, Isaiah, Abraham and Sarah, regular people like me who simply trusted Him.  I wanted that and so I began to trust Him.  Would I find a job?  Was Matthew the man I should marry? Should I begin working at the church?  Would we have a baby after trying for a year?  Would we have another child after months of praying again?  Should we homeschool our children?  Should we trust God with the number of children He may give us?  

When thinking back over those questions, especially the last one, a little bit of fear stirs up in my heart, but God has every time proven Himself to be faithful.  When I truly said in my heart, "God, whatever You make happen will be best," His grace and peace always quickly followed.  Sometimes the big trust moments come easier when you give Him all the little trust moments first.

God, if you want us to make it to the movie on time, we will.  God, if You want us to have these friends over for dinner, they won't have plans already.  God, please tell me if we should keep our dog or give her away.  God, direct me to the homeschool conference sessions which would most bless my family.  

The decision is now yours to make.  Will you trust God?  In the little things?  In the big things?  

When I miss my Dad, I trust Jesus knowing He has told me, "The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die." (John 11: 25-26)  When I wonder what this world will be like 10 or 20 years from now, I trust Jesus remembering that He said, "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:33-34)  

For all the day to day things I could make myself sick worrying about, I try not to.  Some days it's easier than others.  Some days, I pretty much completely fail.  But other days, I trust Him.  I hope you can trust Him now too.  

This verse is on a wall in my home. I can't think of a circumstance which it doesn't fit.

Remembering is Healing

Eight months have passed since my Dad's funeral.  I am no longer in the blur that lasted through the fall and holiday season.  Think I am finally ready to now relive that day through my memories and photos.  It is a day I've wanted to push out of my memory, but doing that would take the celebration of my Dad's life with it.  He was a great man who lived a great life.  As hard as it was to plan, the day we officially said goodbye to Dad was everything it should have been.

Remembering the special things that made him him in letters read from Dad's boss Kelly, Mom's doctor and friend Dr. Dunn, and my Grandpa whom none of knew would pass away five days later.

Hearing our pastor read passages from my Dad's Bible journal and glimpsing into his heart.

Reuniting with family members after too many years and knowing that Dad would be so very happy for us to be spending time together.

Seeing the large group of his Amazon co-workers arrive at the funeral all wearing tie-dyed company t-shirts.  We were later told that they knew Dad's favorite company shirt was the tie-dyed one.

Seeing the photos of Dad with his grandchildren, my brother Mike and I, and his wife, our Mom, on the screen while the song, "If You Could See Me Now" was sung.  We missed him terribly but our confident faith of where Dad was now sustained us through this horrible day.

After the funeral, all of the family in town plus some special friends came to our house for a lunch. The funeral was at 10 am and would be followed with the graveside service at 2 pm.  There was a hitch with the funeral home and so that's the way things ended up.  It worked very well as the break gave us all a chance to catch our breaths.  Matthew and I have hosted Thanksgiving meals, Sunday School parties, and other occasions when our house has been full.  That day there were a lot of voices but only one I desperately wanted to hear.  It broke my heart and still does knowing Dad's voice will not call to the kids or tell me hello in my house ever again.

The graveside service was brief but well said.  We wanted to keep it private so the time separation from the funeral was a blessing again.  I really don't remember much of the time there except for letting the balloon go afterwards.

While Dad spent his last few days in the palliative care hospital room, I wanted to bring some color to the room.  I stopped by the store and went in looking for a butterfly.  I found it and let it stay with Dad for the next day.  After he passed away, I brought it home but knew I couldn't keep it long as the memories were too hard.  The cemetery was where I would bring it.  At the close of the graveside service, I held the string but then told Philip to cut it above where I was holding.  The breeze caught the butterfly and it sailed upward.  We watched it fly for almost 10 minutes until it was no larger than a pinhead.  Symbolically for me, that was Dad's spirit flying to Jesus.

Dad's "butterfly"

Family dinner with our extended family from up north

Dad's casket at the visitation

Memories

Dad's Veteran's flag

Mike and I with cousin Jeff 

My oldest two at Papa's grave

The inscription on the casket vault

Beautiful sky displayed God's splendor

This is a stone in the prayer garden at Hatcher Gardens.

I'm glad I can share these memories with you.  Remembering is healing and I don't ever want to forget you, Dad!  I will always love you.

School Year to Date

I take photos of school activities and household happenings pretty often.  Unfortunately they usually float to the bottom of the black hole that is my phone's memory or if lucky enough to be downloaded to the computer, just another black hole to call home.

So I'm trying to work up to posting more on my blog.  It really is my favorite hobby and actually therapeutic at times.  So why do I avoid it?!  Probably like a lot of things in my life, my perfectionism gets the best of me and I don't know where to start.  If it won't be "perfect", why try?  Well talking it over with Matthew (my hubby) tonight, the new direction is just jumping in with something.  Last year my New Year's Resolution was "Something is Better Than Nothing".

Tonight seems like a good night to blog so the winning idea is a quick overview of our home school year so far.  We have been using My Father's World's Rome to the Reformation curriculum for history and science.  Just added art this semester using Big Books of Things to Draw from Usborne Books.  And field trips are always a welcome addition!  Now to walk down memory lane.

Jello "cells" for science

Hard at work on clay mosaics

Field trip to Roper Mountain Science Center

Gotta teach the preschoolers about the color wheel.  I always love doing this because making a mess is part of the process and then the colors turn and the kids are amazed!

Family field trip to our state capitol.

This is where state law is made, people!

No senator or congressman this cute in the SC State House.

The Corinthian columns were awe-inspiring in person and fit perfectly in our ancient Roman history lessons.

That's my bunch.

Family field trip included a hotel pool.  Can we call that home school P.E.?

EdVenture added to our study of the human body.

They are inside Eddie's head!!

Learning about our insides.

Preschool mind at work.

Our school room after Christmas vacation.  All tidy to welcome us back after a few weeks off.

I decided to take birthdays off this year.  Well public schools got this day off too!

The birthday boy was glad to receive snow as a present from Jesus.

Our first attempt at art... doodling with paint and ink!  Not bad for some amateurs.

Preschool math.

We've only had this for a year on a shelf!  Let me just saw WOW!  We are having a blast learning Spanish.

"Stained glass" coloring sheets. 

We have our own Medieval church window!

And our own Medieval castle!

Complete with court jester.

Winter sports involve Upward basketball.  We cheer for #4!

And the cheerleading program has been great fun for our girls.

More preschool math!!!

Food is always a great part of school.  Chopsticks lessons from Daddy for...

homemade shrimp fried rice to go along with learning about ancient Japan.

Seeing a group of photos like this strung together is always encouraging to me.  We are giving our children a well-rounded, quality education.  Days when there is abundant whining and arguing, I almost second guess our decision.  But then the Lord reminds me that He has called us to this and just because it is hard, that doesn't mean we've chosen the wrong path.  God first and family second.  I can definitely say those are two elements of our home school education and I wouldn't trade it for the world.