Have a moment to recap what's going on, so here goes. I was going to write this an hour ago when the house was quiet but now I hear "Brave" playing in the background as Braewyn and her BFF neighbor Anna watch it and Chloe crying as she wants to go outside but where she will then just bark at the neighbor's cat. Philip is next door with Anna's brothers and Juliet is asleep upstairs on her big-girl bottom bunk. Matthew is at work and due home in about an hour. I'm typing this post and feeling a baby stretching to make room for him/herself inside my every growing belly. I am very thankful that this is my life.
There are moments in life when things change drastically without any future warning. And then there are moments when change is coming and you don't know whether you want it to hurry up or cower in a corner for fear of it. I'm expecting a baby and a change in life on or around June 3. I told Matthew last night that a new baby will be in our house in about 8 weeks. He said he is excited. I'm excited to kiss that newborn-smelling skin, nurse that little one and know I am still nourishing him/her, and see Philip, Braewyn, and Juliet fall in love with their new baby sibling.
I am pushing to the back of my brain the fears of preparing meals when a baby needs to be nursed, making sure Juliet adjusts well to no longer being the youngest, functioning well enough to do more than just survive on little sleep, and trusting the Lord that this is His will because I have placed my life in His hands even when what He gives appears to be more than I can handle.
That's the secret right there. He doesn't want me to handle any of this in my own strength. He desires things to be just tough enough so that I will run to Him in prayer and ask for His provision and extra grace. I long to live in a place where life is always a bit overwhelming because there is where I cannot lose sight of my Savior. Jesus died so I might not receive my due punishment of hell, but He lives today and intercedes for me daily so I might know His power in my life.
The apostle Paul asked the Lord why He wouldn't take away an ailment he struggled with. What he found is recorded in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."
I want Christ's power to rest on me. This last week I decided to sleep in until Matthew was out of the shower and then begin my day with getting the kids' breakfasts ready and everything that follows. For one, I wasn't sleeping soundly until Matthew got out of the shower and each day that passed, I knew my emotional stability was crumbling a little more.
Last night, I made the decision that 45 more minutes of sleep was not worth the loss of feeling Christ's power resting on me. I got up at 6:15 and headed to the bonus room couch with my Bible and BSF lesson. I will confess to almost falling back asleep as I prayed, but knowing that I was making the effort to meet with the Lord before beginning my day brought peace that I have been missing. I will begin tomorrow like that again and the day after.
I do love my life but it is a lot on me. I praise Jesus that He is walking me through this life and wants to see me do well. When I do well, it brings Him glory and that's really the true reason I am here.