With the upcoming delivery of our fourth child, I was very excited to attend this seminar about easing sibling rivalry and ways to draw them closer to each other. Rachael Carman is a homeschool mom of 7 so I think she's a reliable source for this info.
[According to Rachael...]
Public School Priorities: 1. Knowing facts 2. Finding facts 3. Relationships
Homeschool Priorities: (should be the reverse) 1. Relationships 2. Finding facts 3. Knowing facts
Proverbs 6:16-19 "There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him:
haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community."
-- Whatever kids are saying (rudeness to mom, dad, siblings) reflects the matter of the heart.
-- if not getting along with siblings, no playing with friends. If not the sibling God wants you to be, you can't be the friend you should be.
Deuteronomy 30:19-20 "This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him."
-- Choose life!
-- Kids treat each other like how mom and dad treat each other.
-- When kids are getting along, that is their testimony.
** The Culture's Norm
C. Cruel Words
U. Ugly Words (not Phil. 4:8)
R. Rude Words - disrespect, rough, tone of voice, grace-less
S. Selfish - greedy for attention, ego-centric
E. Embarrassing Words - kids tell stories about each other, putting down
-- do not allow "hate" to be spoken; lone and hate are not passive. Hating things leads to hating people. We should be praying for them. Don't hate; just don't like it.
James 3:10-11 "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?"
Matthew 12:34 "You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of."
** The Lord's Standard
B. Beneficial to all who hear - Eph. 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Prov. 13:3 "Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin."
L. Loving - 1 Corinthians 13; include smiling; moms need to practice smiling at kids and kissing daddy with a smiling face too!
E. Encouraging - 1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." Comforting words; includes providing hope of Heaven.
S. Sacrificial - Phil. 2:1-4; What can I do for you? Think about what they want; model it and serve them.
S. Smile!!! Prov. 15:13 "A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit."
Miscellaneous...
-- These paths are contagious, either curses or blessing.s
-- Sometimes let children trade chores to bless each other.
-- Make them get along with little to glorify God.
-- When fighting during school, close books and address heart conditions.
-- Tone matters in saying good and bad things.
--Don't settle for good outside actions and words, but deal with the heart.
-- I.e. "God made you oldest; God made you the first born girl; etc." Older ones help encourage younger ones but older ones need to earn it by loving and spending time with them. Can't always correct.
-- If want rules to work in the house, must establish relationship first.
*** For homeschool days, invest in youngest to oldest; for family life, discipline oldest to youngest.
-- Each child is providentially and sovereignly placed in birth order by God.
*** We have an opportunity to show the world what God intended when He created family.
-- Focus more on hearts this year than books.
-- Enemy wants siblings to not like each other.
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