Life is just downright busy. I think most of you know but in case you missed it, Matthew and I are expecting Baby Brooks #6 in January. Very excited but no time to post monthly updates on my pregnancy like I may have done for Baby #2 or #3. I am now 33 weeks along and feeling VERY pregnant. I've been awarded with entrance to an even more Advanced Maternal Age category for women over age 40. I am really soooo appreciative! Any how I had an OB check up on Monday of this week. Matthew would meet me there for the appointment so I brought Juliet, Rylan and Sully but left Philip and Braewyn at home as I was thinking I'd be gone no more than 1 1/2 hours.
After being on the NST monitor for about 35 minutes and being told the baby looks great, I saw one of the doctors. Dr. Allen delivered Sully so it was fun for her to see him again at almost 2 years old. She asked how I was doing. My answer is usually, "I think I'll make it." But I also added that my left leg swells while my right leg just feels numb. I wonder if it's because I carry Sully on my left hip when I do carry him. She looked a little concerned and said, "It really could just be due to the pregnancy, but it could be a blood clot. Thankfully our bodies clot more readily when pregnant so we don't bleed out during delivery. But I just can't let you go another day without knowing for sure if your leg swelling is from a clot or not. I want you to have a vascular scan today so I'll call in a referral."
Ok. Not what I expected from this appointment but the idea of a blood clot really didn't worry me. I'm sure it could be easily handled. Now we just had 2 kids at home and 3 young ones with us and I was told to go to the hospital. I drove the little ones and Matthew followed me over to the hospital parking lot. We parked outside the cancer center as it's next to the heart center where I was told to enter. By this time Sully was asleep in the car so I asked Matthew if he would just stay in the van with the kids and I'd go in alone. Let them watch YouTube on your phone!
Into the hospital I walked and was instructed to take the elevator up a floor, walk down the hall, turn at the end and enter the surgery admission and waiting area. The hospital. This hospital. I had not been inside since June of 2015 when Dad spent 2 weeks in Neuro ICU and then his last three days in Pallative Care. When I arrived in the waiting area, it brought back a flood of memories. I did not want to be here!
I gave the receptionist my form and she asked for some additional information. Then I sat down to wait. Thirty minutes before, being in the hospital was not even a thought and here I was back where I never wanted to be.
Being pregnant and knowing a delivery was in the future, I've had an underlying dread of going to the hospital. My mom told me at one point that she didn't know if she could bear coming to the hospital to see the baby without my Dad. I didn't know if I could bear lying in a hospital bed with monitors hooked to me and remembering seeing Dad in his bed. Being a patient of any kind did not bring happy thoughts.
But here I was sitting in the waiting area which was where we sat (or very similar to) while waiting to hear the outcome of Dad's brain surgery. I didn't know if I should just cry out to Jesus for comfort for my breaking heart or text several friends to pray for me. After a few minutes of silently praying, I decided to tell the receptionist that I would be right back if my name was called because I had to take my key down to my husband outside. A few minutes of fresh air was what I needed now.
Matthew had pulled up to the outside door once I called to tell him I was on my way down. I didn't know how long the wait for my procedure would be so I encouraged him to take the younger kids home and relieve the older two of their "home alone" status. He gave me his key to our other car so I would be able to drive myself home. Reaching for the key I said, "Please pray for me as being up there in the same waiting area where we were when Dad was here is freaking me out." Tears filled my eyes and my voice cracked.
Walking back inside I didn't make eye contact with the people I passed. Thankfully after arriving back in the waiting room, my name was called about 15 minutes later. My ultrasound technician Catherine was so very nice. She assured me I had no blood clots. Praise Jesus! We chatted about other things... this being my 6th pregnancy, her never feeling the desire to have children, people who say whatever is on their minds about both situations and how I said goodbye to my Dad in this hospital summer before last. I told her about my hesistancy to come to the hospital since Dad passed away but how being there today took the sting out of thinking about coming back to have the baby. Saying goodbye to her, I heard a sound I've always liked to hear at the hospital. Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star playing over the intercom.
When a baby is delivered at our hospital, a member of the family can push a button on the wall of the Labor and Delivery area and this well known tune plays throughout the hospital. I had heard it play three times while there for my vascular scan. God was telling me that good things, miraculous things do happen here. Not only sad things. I have delivered five beautiful, healthy babies in this hospital. It will be devastating knowing Dad won't be coming to meet his newest grandchild when I deliver this baby. Even still God told me that day when I unexpectedly went to the hospital about a possible blood clot that when the day comes for me to deliver this newest little blessing, it will be a happy day. No more fear of returning to that same hospital for the first time since Dad passed away. I've now been there, done that. Next time Matthew and I will enter Labor and Delivery. And Lord-willing our children will push that little button to announce to everyone in the hospital their new little brother or sister was born. I pray others in the hospital that day hear Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star and are also reminded that blessings are all around us. We just need to be looking for them.