Matthew and his brother Jonathan are just over two years apart. My brother Mike and I are just under two years apart. I just assumed Matthew and I would have two children, two years apart. Well, Philip is now 18 months old and I am not pregnant. It seems like "my plan" is not working out. However, I am at a point spiritually where I am much more interested in God's plan for me than any plans I make for myself. After waiting one year and three months to get pregnant with Philip, Matthew and I gave all glory to God when it did happen. I want that to be the case again if He does choose to bless us with a second child. I have been taking my temperature each morning for the last 4 weeks, but today I stopped. It was more of a frustration in my life and attempt at making something happen which is totally in God's hands. Yes there is a science in getting pregnant, but also I whole-heartedly believe that each baby is a miracle from the Lord. Why do so many teenagers get pregnant when so many loving Christian couples are unable to conceive? That is something known only in the mind of God.
I thank Christ for Philip daily. He more than graciously blessed Matthew and I and our families with him. If it be His will that I only give birth once, there is still the possibility that a child would be out there who will come to our family by adoption. I would love to raise another child to grow in Christ and especially for Philip to have a sibling all of his own. There is something special about growing up with someone.
Simply put, what I want more than trying to figure things out and plan out things beyond my control is to just rest in the knowledge that my God is able!! Able to do whatever He has planned for me and I will wait until He reveals what that is.
"Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.... Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him...." Psalm 37:3-5,7
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6
3 comments:
I think you're doing the right thing. The best advice someone gave me was not to stress about it. I was doing all the temp taking, trying at certain times of day and eating all the things they tell you. The month I stopped doing all that, it happened. So I think stress levels may prevent conception.
I know it's ultimately in God's hands. And I think you're doing best just trusting in Him. I'll pray for you.
God's timing is perfect. When we no longer "rely on our own understanding" and trust God fully we are blessed. . . whether we get the results we had hoped for, or an entirely different outcome that God had planned for us. I know you desire God's will first and foremost, so I will continue to pray for you as you seek to patiently wait on Him
Kim, I was right where you are when Drew was 18 mos. old. I had the "two in two" plan all worked out, but God had other plans for our family. The longing for a child can be so intense and lead to so many questions. It's ironic that you chose to list Psalm 37 in your post because it is a Psalm I clung to then and still revisit now. As time passed and still no baby, I remember asking God what to do with the longing in my heart. This Psalm was a clear answer to me. I was to "do good" (vs.3), "cultivate faithfulness" (vs. 3 NASB) and be "gracious" (vs. 26). I had time like I would never have again to serve my church, my family and my friends. I know that you are already a servant when it comes to your family, friends and church. I'm encouraged by your focus on God's will and your desire to have an attitude that's pleasing to Him.
I will be praying alongside you!
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