Braewyn was born and the screaming started. There's no way to sugarcoat it. It took us 8 months to get her to sleep through the night (meaning from 10pm until around 5am but that was exciting when it started). The kids began sharing a room when she was 4 months old. She would get unsettled and begin her "banshe" screaming as we dubbed it and Philip would ask for her to be removed. I suppose I did coddle her a bit more than we did with Philip because she would literally scream for an hour straight even while I was walking her around the kitchen floor due to her being so overly tired.
Flash forward a year. Braewyn's now a beautiful, lively (oh, so lively!)20 month old (on Jan. 2), but still the screaming problem is there. The nights are great now. Philip and Braewyn still share a room and sleep comfortably from around 8:30pm until 6:30am (yes, now we're working on how to keep Philip asleep longer in the morning; he only naps 3 or 4 times a week but maybe that's too much). The screaming happens during the day: when Philip steals her blanket, when I've given her a cup with the wrong drink in it, when I say, "Mommy must brush your teeth first", ESPECIALLY when I "help" buckle her in the car seat (she believes she can do it all herself), when I stop her from doing something she knows she shouldn't be doing. Matthew would like to add to the list: when she's conscious and breathing. And her scream is in comparison to someone blowing an airhorn right beside your head unexpectedly.
I love my daughter completely and feel overly blessed daily. I'm just posting about her screaming to ask others if you have a screamer and what do you do about it. I'm going to get a copy of "The Strong-willed Child" by James Dobson to see what he says. Braewyn definitely falls into that category also. We believe in spanking and with Philip it really works well and helps curb his disobedience. Maybe it's that with two kids, I'm more tired this time and haven't been as consistent in spanking Braewyn. Or maybe she just needs a different method of discipline. I'm praying that once she is fully speaking the screaming will go away. Did it with your kid(s)? Thanks for any advice.
4 comments:
I am sure you remember that Jayce was a screamer, starting around 17 months old and not ending until he was 2 1/2. For him, it was most definitely related to the autism. The fact that he was having major sensory issues, but wasn't verbal hardly at all, was a the source. We now know that Jayce probably felt "out of whack" the entire time, but couldn't verbalize at all. He didn't get better with the screaming until he started a sensory diet, which included lots of brushing and deep pressure massage and joint compressions.
But because I do not think Braewyn has autism at all (thank goodness!), it sounds like its just her way to communicate. Modeling the words she *should* be saying instead of screaming, may help.
At 20 months old, I am not sure she realizes that screaming like that is a form of disobedience, so physical punishment may not "click" in her mind to curb the behavior.
I'd honestly take each situation as it comes to know what to do about it.
If she's screaming because she wants a toy Philip has, then removing her from the situation until she calms down will probably help.
If she's screaming because she doesn't like what you gave her in her cup, then she doesn't get the cup to drink at all. And she can go to time-out until she calms down enough to return to the table to drink.
I've read the strong willed child book (not a Dobson fan here at all, but I gave him a shot) and it mainly deals with defiance. Spanking when a child is being defiant or disobedient is one thing, but spanking a child for being upset (crying or screaming or whatever) usually just leads to them just crying or screaming more, from the spanking this time. And wasn't the whole point of the discipline for them to STOP crying and screaming?
To be proactive, you can help build Braewyn's vocabulary (either verbally or with sign language), you can make sure she is well-rested and fed to try to ward off tantrums, and you can remove her from the situation to be by herself any time she screams.
Big hugs, Kim! Kids are always so different and what works for one doesn't always work for another. I know parenting Jayce is a constant struggle and I have a team of therapists to help me!
Also, you know how important it is to be consistent. If you give her what she wants when she screams just ONE time, it will take 10 more times of punishing her to make her get the picture.
Also, you can reward her for when she is being quiet (even just praise works!)
Good luck!
Kim - She screams because she's smart and beautiful and knows that she's her Aunt Maureen's very favorite little person and she wants everyone to know it :0
Look at it this way - being strong-willed is a good thing in this world!
Thanks, Jessie and Aunt Maureen. I do need to remember that punishment is for defiance. I in no way want to take from Braewyn her confident nature (she has so much potential), but I just don't want her to think she rules the roost before she's even two years old.
oh definitely! All kids need to know that Mommy and Daddy are in charge and its their job to obey. Just don't back down, keep being consistent, and she'll learn. Its very age appropriate for her to think that she is the only one that matters in the house. Toddlers are extremely ego-centric at this age. They handle sharing and disappointment and empathy much better when they are closer to pre-schoolers. But definitely don't stop trying to teach her now! It just a learning process :)
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